As your children start to grow up, it is incredibly common to start feeling somewhat broody; reminiscing about those early days you had with your newborn, their first adorable milestones or snuggling up on the sofa with a little bundle of joy. If your friends around you are still having babies, it can leave you longing for those experiences all over again and bring to the surface desires that you thought you had buried for good.
It can be tempting to try for another baby and increase your family size, but what happens when you want another baby but your partner doesn’t? What can you do?
Be honest – First things first, tell your partner how you are feeling. Don’t sit and dwell in silence about your feelings or assume that you already know their reaction – it will only lead to resentment or poor communication. You never know, they may well be experiencing similar thoughts even if they have previously said they only wanted one child. Have an honest and open conversation about your desires for another child and aim to understand your partner’s mindset.
Talk it out – Conversations around the future can be hard for everyone, but it’s important to understand each other’s perspectives, hopes, fears and concerns when thinking about expanding your family.
Discuss the pros and cons – Clearly if you are both coming at it from different angles, there are going to be some differences in opinion.
Again, it’s important to understand more about your different views and discuss the pros and cons of having another baby.
For example, your partner may feel that one child is enough – where as you may worry about your daughter being an only child and not having a sibling as they grow up. You may have a personal experience of this, and be able to share insights and experiences that they may not have considered. Your partner may be worried about the financial implications of a larger family, where as you may be comfortable that you can afford the additional expense, particularly as many of the larger upfront costs can be saved by reusing and repurposing items you already own. You may feel fit and healthy enough to go through pregnancy and labor again, but your partner may worry about the risks to you or the baby now that you would be an older Mom to be.
Having these kind of calm, constructive conversations without judgement can really help you see each other’s points of view more clearly and help factor in all the elements when making a decision.
It is also worth remembering that your partner has also potentially seen some of the more alarming parts of pregnancy and labor – particularly if you had complications with your first child. Don’t discount those feelings – they are and always will be valid even if they aren’t at the forefront of your mind.
Don’t put pressure on – At the end of the day having another child together has to be a joint decision. Sadly, whilst there are many compromises in life, this isn’t a decision where you can simply meet in the middle.
One thing is for certain, when it comes to matters of the heart and plans for your future; this will always be a highly emotive subject. Stay calm and aim to work through it as a couple, supporting each other which whatever option you decide.